A few months back, I found out that I would be heading to BlogHer this August. Now, if you’re unfamiliar with BlogHer, it’s the largest blogging and social media conference in the nation and it exists by and for female bloggers (thus the “Her”).

As I disclosed in my pre-show blog, I was a little nervous about being the “Him” in a sea of estrogen. Now, having been immersed in girl power for a few days, I’ve discovered that as brand representatives, our relationships with bloggers aren’t that far away from the sitcom romances of old.

Brands love bloggers, but sometimes the thought of a relationship scares them. Brands just want to have the occasional date or hangout. They want bloggers to talk about them around their friends and answer their calls on the first ring. But brands don’t want a long-term thing. What’s up with that?

There is a big gap between brands and bloggers

Along with our booth on the exhibitor floor, our team had access to multiple sessions and panels at the conference. I attended two of these­­ – one hosted by a panel of mom bloggers and another hosted by a panel of PR professionals, both discussing their processes and what they look for in a PR-blogger relationship.

Of course, the process was pretty much the same for both bloggers and PR folks. The difference that interested me the most was the pitching process for either side. Back in the day, before the digital age, PR practitioners pitched their brand, product, cause, etc., to writers and publications in hopes that they would be included in an article or featured. Now that everyone in the world is a publisher or aggregator of content on the Web, everyone’s pitching everyone.

From the PR side, I can say that this makes our job much easier. Since there are so many blog niches and no comprehensive databases, seeking out bloggers is a daunting task. Not to mention the sheer number of blogs in cyberspace and the frequency with which they change writers and subjects.

In the end, it seems that everyone comes out looking selfish. Change is a tough pill to swallow, especially when trying to nurture a budding relationship, which in my opinion, is the reason why many brands are so hesitant to make that relationship a long-term one. Sometimes, a giveaway or product review just isn’t enough.

Bloggers

Whether the discussion was with a new writer trying to get their blog off the ground or with a seasoned veteran who has been cultivating her readership for years, I haven’t once connected with a blogger who wanted a one-time opportunity. They’re in it for the long haul, and lately, many of their brands haven’t been willing to commit.

I’m proud to say that on this front, my team has been doing a great job. Having worked in blogger relations for about a year, I personally know that I have much to learn about the way they operate and what they want to get out of a partnership. Fortunately, I get it. Perhaps it’s because I haven’t been out of college long enough to be jaded by money, but I’ve never felt like I was working with “writers.” Rather, bloggers are people. They pour their souls into the content on their sites, and that is why we love them. They are the new purveyors of brand loyalty.

Why would we want to have a one-time fling and then forget about them until the next time we’ve got a product launch?

Brands

On the other hand, blogging is not just a hobby for many of these women – it is their livelihood. They are able to feed their families because of the work they put into their blogs and fully expect something in return for helping their partners out.

In the PR world, budgets are often hard to come by. After all, we’re not selling banner ads … at least we didn’t used to sell banner ads. The convergence of digital media has left many grey areas for agencies and brands to integrate their efforts. A PR department managing a brand’s Facebook page may be making media spends for Facebook ads or banners on partner blogs.

Now, I’m not saying brands should just dish out some money for a blog post. To be honest, I’ve come across more than a few blogs that placed a hefty monetary value on not much return. I wouldn’t even say that I am in favor of “paid” reviews or posts. However, I do feel that many PR people are being stingy and expecting bloggers to write a glowing review of a product or service based on the traffic a brand name will provide or reader interest.

Where does that leave us?

Do we just break up because we can’t agree on something? Of course not! We talk it out, get honest and make compromises.

I don’t want bloggers lying about my clients’ products on their blogs. If they don’t like it, I want to know. The Internet has enough falsities on it without us adding any more. Please, just give it to me straight. This doesn’t mean we’re breaking up.

In the end, it comes down to what you see in each other. The benefits of working with one blogger may not be there with another. Both of you can benefit from building your relationship—you just need to find what that benefit is. It may take a little bit of work, but what relationship doesn’t?

To read my not-so-branded thoughts on being a dude at BlogHer (and to see an awesome slideshow) read this.