The Top 6 List
By Phillip Barnhard
The week after Christmas is a chance to make all of your resolutions for the New Year. And January is your 31-day period meant for breaking every last one of them. This is the Top 6 List of resolutions that won’t live to see February.
6. Watch Less TV
With the Writer’s Guild on strike, this seemed like an achievable goal. Fox postponed “24” until next season and the major networks’ midseason replacements consist mainly of new reality and game shows. The Problem: plenty of big-hitters have returned. ABC’s “Desperate Housewives” and “Grey’s Anatomy” have already started showing new episodes and Fox’s superpower, “American Idol,” doesn’t need any writers to lift its show off the ground. After viewing a few poor, but hilarious auditions from Season Seven, your TV hiatus will come to a swift conclusion.
“Broken By” Prediction: January 31st, the season premiere of ABC’s “Lost”
5. Get Active
Playing competitive sports is a great way for you to interact with friends and coworkers. Join your company softball team and dazzle them with the grace and skills that helped you earn All-State honors in rhythmic gymnastics. However, the office jock won’t appreciate you performing your infamous hoop and ribbon routines in left field when the ball goes squirting between your legs.
“Broken By” Prediction: January 19th
4. Get Organized
Your office cubicle needed a little organization. The papers were beginning to stack up and a sticky note on your monitor read, “Make a mixed tape with the newest singles from Blondie and Flock of Seagulls.” So it’s been a while. You file, shred, trash and recycle until your desk resurfaces. However, shortly after the holidays, you become bombarded with memos, faxes, worksheets and other documents. You make a small stack, swearing to file the papers later. Thus, the clutter cycle continues.
“Broken By” Prediction: January 22nd
3. File Taxes Early
Let’s see, your W-2 arrives around the middle of January, so you should have your taxes filed by January 20, right? Wrong. Never happens. Set procrastination sensors to “high” and kick your feet up until March. April is far away. You’re probably getting audited anyway since you accidentally threw out all your 2007 receipts and most likely shredded your $5,000 tax-deductible contribution receipt to Jump Rope for Heart (See “Get Organized”).
“Broken By” Prediction: January 28th
2. Eat Less Fast Food
Obviously, the majority of the food you cook at home is healthier than a McDonald’s BigMac. But who can resist the two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun? Who can drive past a Krispy Kreme when the “Hot Donuts Now” sign is on? Just make sure you get your burger and dozen donuts back home before American Idol starts (See “Watch Less TV”).
“Broken By” Prediction: January 15th
1. Go to the gym
Remember that brilliant new idea you had about losing 30 pounds by June so you can look good in the swimsuit? Well about a million other people in your city had the exact same resolution. During the first week of January, the gym transforms into a nightclub, with bouncers (possibly trainers) at the door allowing members entry on a one-in/one-out basis. The gym well exceeds maximum occupancy, and the staff is limiting treadmill use to three people at a time. The health club didn’t benefit its current members either by offering its “Buy One Membership, and Get One For Your Friend, Your Friend’s Friend and Their Unsupervised Child Free” special. An overcrowded gym becomes the last place you want to ring in 2008.
“Broken By” Prediction: January 9th
E-mail the author: Phillip Barnhard