The Top 6 List
By Phillip Barnhard
With the 2008 Summer Olympics less than a month away, the world stands still as each country’s hopefuls at handball, synchronized swimming, taekwondo and other random events head to Beijing to dominate the sports televised only once every four years. This July, the Top 6 List sticks its dismount and scores a perfect 10 with the top Olympic events we wish we were watching.
6. 100m Potato-sack Race
With legs encased in a burlap prison, the world’s finest athletes – a who’s who of company-picnic hopefuls – hop feverishly toward the finish line. To increase the mayhem-level a little bit, run all of the competitors at once in a no-holds barred, full-contact fight to the finish. Gold might be determined by one hopper dodging a 15-sack pile-up and diving for the finish.
5. Synchronized Skydiving
This is a sport that appeals to both genders. A 20-person team with a window of two minutes must synchronize their movements and create colorful sky patterns before becoming colorful pavement images. In addition, each team member must land – preferably alive – in the Bird’s Nest (formally known as National Stadium) to qualify the jump.
4. Beer Pong
Seven years of hardcore college training has prepared each two-man team for this ultimate challenge. In a tournament format, each country rests its hopes on how accurately its duo can toss a ping pong ball into a set of 10 well-positioned Solo cups filled with the coldest of the cold brewski. It’s a game of intoxicated survival. Gold medal winners can choose to sing or belch their national anthem – whichever feels most comfortable.
3. Obstacle Course
For some reason, climbing a cargo net, jumping over wooden logs, high-stepping through tires and swinging over a mud pit is the world’s ultimate test of how strong and athletic a person is. American Gladiators concludes each show with its obstacle course-on-steroids, “The Eliminator.” G4’s Ninja Warrior is an entire show of contestants running an extremely complex obstacle course. Even England’s annual “Tough Guy” competition is a deadly proving ground. This should be the new pentathlon.
2. Mixed Martial Arts
Taekwondo and Judo are recognized as Olympic events. So is boxing. Could Mixed Martial Arts, which ultimately uses similar fighting techniques, be far behind? Over the past five years, MMA has mainstreamed its sport with intense marketing. MMA reality shows and pay-per-view events have taken most of the wind out of boxing’s sail and have catapulted MMA fighters into superstardom. If MMA is able to scale back the brutality just a hair, this sport could be an excellent addition to the Olympic lineup.
1. Football
My prediction: In the next 30 years, American football will be an Olympic event. The NFL’s popularity on the world stage is growing, and the quality of players from other countries is improving. In 2007, the American Football World Cup held its third tournament, with the United States competing for the first time. Without any NFL superstars, the Americans edged two-time AFWC champion Japan, 23-20, in overtime. As the gap closes from U.S. dominance in the sport, as it has in basketball, the world will embrace the game, and American football will find its way into future Olympic venues.
E-mail the author: Phillip Barnhard
