The Top 6 List
By Todd Brashear
Unless you’ve displayed gross financial mismanagement or stand accused of vehicular manufacturer manslaughter, you’re probably trying to figure out what’s a responsible, hard-working person to do during the current economic crisis. For starters, congratulations. You’re an honest taxpayer that didn’t overextend yourself by providing (or receiving) a ridiculously unsustainable mortgage. On top of that, your company didn’t build products that nobody wants and blame its workers for taking the too-big paychecks that you agreed to give them in the first place. For all that responsibility, we say to you, “Brother, can you spare a dime…cause we need it for another bailout?” Also, we give you these six ways to save money during the current recession.
6. Grow your own/Go local.
In 2008, eating locally raised foods became a hot trend for a number of reasons – environmental, nutritional and gastronomical. In 2009, that trend should continue, only this time for financial reasons. Why settle for ramen noodles when you can have fresh Roma tomatoes from your own backyard? And who wants deviled ham and saltines when you could harvest a bounty of freeway goodness for Rowdy’s Roadkill Succotash Stew? Granted, not every dish will be a winner, but there’s a reason these are called lean times.
5. Heat your home with alternative energy.
Forget expensive and old-fashioned electric or natural gas heaters and take a cue from two of our country’s greatest inventors, Thomas Edison and Betty Crocker. That’s right, the average incandescent light bulb is a terribly wasteful light producer, but it’s an outstanding source of heat. According to Wikipedia, the filaments in some light bulbs reach 5,400 degrees Fahrenheit! So gather around the light bulb, kids…none of those efficient compact fluorescents please…and let’s roast some marshmallows! How expensive could it be to heat a 3,500-square-foot home with a 60-watter?
Secret homeowners tip: Buy a 3-way bulb for more precise climate control!
4. Become a southpaw.
After breaking your right hand in a prize fight and losing everything in the stock market, become a day laborer and get a low-paying job on the docks, where you’ll be forced to use your left hand until it grows as strong as its counterpart on the right. Then, mount a boxing comeback and accept a one-in-a-million shot at the world championship, carrying on your broad shoulders the hopes and dreams of a nation in financial ruin.
That or just watch Cinderella Man and get inspired to persevere.
3.Get pedaling.
It’s true that the price of gas has fallen through the floor, but it’s still 100 percent more expensive than pedal power. Yes, I know it’s dark during drive-time. Yes, I know it’s five-below outside. And I also know that several companies make light bulbs for bicycles. There you go. Two birds, one light bulb.
2. Buy a bright, shiny object.
Go out and purchase something ridiculously expensive. Something like a Dyson vacuum. Not the base model either. Get the Animal. I know. I know. You’re wondering how you can possibly save money by buying a $500 vacuum. Well, let me just say this…it’s really sucky. And have you seen the ball?
And the number-one way to save money during the 2009 recession…
1. Put it all into mattresses.
E-mail the author: Todd Brashear
